Analyse this.

[Veryl]

Im going to tell you this because irl Im pretty much an einzelganger, and DR is like familiy to me.
I've been trhough alot these past years and well Ill just get to the point.

What is normal? Nothing really is. but this is my concious , typing with my hands in this world that we share.
this universe full of mystery keeps being deadweight at my feet, so its hard to walk on.
at all point in our lifes we are learnt to embrace new things and let go of the old. but thats pretty hard for me in my case.

It all started when i heard voices around my 17th. I heard my mother screaming sensless things and my sister usually cried. we hadnt the most ideal home and there were some arguments.
but despitate all that I was sitting in my room behind ym computer trying supress the shouting angry voices. this went on for years untill my mom didnt take it anymore and wanted me to move out.
I had no idea where to or how t take care of myself so I was 17 suddenly living on the streets and nowhere to turn. I neglected all my real life friends since my best budies were from the internet.
but now I had only a crappy laptop without internet. The voices evolved to giving me some kind of commercialism. judging voices calling me "faka G, Double G, Fakamayacalender, the elephant king, The bananaking, fakaman, Kuroneko (my most proud one), and eventually god. I thought all of this happened for a reason. I mean if you experience something like this you always search for reason behind it and after I searched my mind two new voices grew. One from a crush I love for a few long years now, and a voice of her female friend. now the story is that Myumi was an adorable kitty like cutycat who always teases everyone and Stephani was more of a hiphop airheaded lesbian. My ideal world was to live alongside them forerer but I didnt know how. when I finaly found an appartment It was one big hell. I couldn't take proper care for myself and smoked alot of weed. and ate junkfood, had to steal from people's fridge with the excuse; Joey from friends did it too. I couldnt do anything anymore. I was scared of the outside world because I was living above a crowded street with thin windows, and I heard all the noise from people talking on the streets. I interpreted that als commercialism for me. but why did it all revolve about me?

When I couldnt pay my rent anymore my landlord kicked me out and it was then I was going to start my journey to porgual. To atleast find myumi, because I know she existed, and wasn't so sure if Stephani was just some of my imagination. On my way there I was scared like hell. scared that I was doing the wrong thing or glitched out of sociaty, But THere was always myumi and stephani to calm me down. then arround Belgium a new voice emerged from my stomach. it was my perfected me, waited an eternaluization to break free from his shell and woke up in another prison, my body.
Now stephani and Myumi were very intersted in this new voice that sounded alot like mine. but I wouldnt say the things he said. funny jokes and always teasing, like myumi. it was the perfect happy threesome all in my mind.

The journey to portugal was heavy. didn't get much of the view because it was blocked by this CHatscreen I coould clearly see infront of my eyes. On that chatscreen were myumi, Me, stehapni, and the guy I hated to most. Pedro, a blond clurly haired dude who thought he was better then me. We always were in a fight over myumi and stephani, and myumi and stephani were just enjoying the fight over them. they always hoped for me to win though. And I won eventually. around spain, he suicided, jumped of abuilding or some sort. I can still remember the empty stare in his darknend eyes ready to die.
so he was gone, forver. no more pedro, freeplay for me.

I tried to neglect the voices from the netherlands, they were always annoying. called me crap. never lisntening to a word I say or mistinterpreting anything I do/say. sO whwen I finally arived in portugal I hoped they were gone but then the portugese people started talking netherlandish, because it was wityh a portugese accent. but the same cretes and things they say.
I got all kinds of philosophies why this all happend to me. a conversation between me and myumi will clear things up.

me: so im like a god?
Portugese crowd: your jesus
Child : holy maria.
me: but why me?
portugese crowd: because you are the creator
me: I havent create anything?
Stephani: Milan shutyp and hug me.
Myumi: Yuuushhhhhhhhh stahp doing trivial things and lets have fun!
Me: but how, you are so far away.
Me: why dont you pick me up, Im at Santa Apolonia transtaion. Ill meet you there,.

and Ive waited weeks and weeks on that bench in lissabon, totally overpowered with "seminar"

everything ive said or will say already has been writtenb down for me, I can see it infront of my eyes, I just have to type it or say it.
I call him Mike. that perfected self of me. He took over last year trying to play god but thanks to medication I took power of him now.
Myumi And stephani still think they talk to Mike whenever the talk to me. but it all fals in just one simple routine..

Me: Myumi, pick me up from whenever I live. just ask the dutch people where I am, the know everything.
Stephani:Im longing for you.
Me: yes I know but griefing about it doesnt help, we gotta hurry. you gotta save me. save all of us, save the universe.
Me: *tries to explain* we are just pions on a checkboard. but we got to do the moves. Find Myumi stephani! and then pick me up!

these kind of converstations repeat them over and over untill its so tiring.

I want to block myself from these thoughts, this reality. but I also embrace it as something secure, somewhere I can flee too


I know this is maybe a little to personal for a simple gaming forum.
but you guys mean alot to me
Im always open for questions if you want to hear more.

I can give some topics revolving my psychosis:

some rants (psychosis speaking):

I've always been an athiest because I juist dont want to blame my life or everything ive been trhouh on god.
I do believe gods have existed but I have murdered them all when I made this planet earth as a creator.
this is dimension 89. the last dimension ever possible. its all in the numbers. dimensions 1 to 88 were all failed omnipotenties because the gods didnt alter the magnetation of the world's mindstate.
Now Im here, inflitrated as a mere humble human being waiting for my eternalization. once Im eternal together with Myumi and Stephani. the world will be a funny place. everything would be funny and happy. I could do things like create a lighter at the tip of my thumb. Materialize objects in my hands like muffins/cookies and blunts. I would be the kind of mariuahana and I've been called that alot of times during my trip to portugal.

I know in this reality none of this is real. but sometimes its really hard for me to draw a line where it ends, or where it begins. its much like how a rope works. but that in your brain.

Black holes are faults in space. once the magnetation is syncled correctly wit the human mind they will dissapear aswell. why?
A mind is a strong weapon. creates so many thoughts and outcomes of things that can create rips in the fabric of space.
We are here for a long time, and many suns have died and grown. that cycle will always be our basis to extend life, thats human's mision.
I believe there are no alien's. this universe is our big sandbox and planet earth is just pregrnant baby and will shoot entire civilization into space one day, when life on earth is no longer possible.

planets we will find will have different kind of gravity because theres more mass due a bigger sphere, or lighter because of a small sphere. this could eventually effect our bones, skin, muscles, the way we breath. We creat our own kind of aliens this way. they were human once. just heavevly addapted to a new surrounding.

Id love to tell you guys alot more and answer questions about it.
but You all probalby thinkinG VERY WTF WOW U CRAZY NUTTER.

Ive accepted myself as a clinical person awhile ago. but that doesnt make anything less then you.

Will it come true? will my cute loveable asian girls pick me and live as a happy threesome for the rest of my eternal life? I hope so.

 

[¥oshi]

That's quite the story there... Didn't expect that from you. :S

Do you still hear those voices and such?

 

[Veryl]

That's quite the story there... Didn't expect that from you. :S

Do you still hear those voices and such?

mostly occasionally from Stehapni and Myumi. hope they will pick me up someday.
and still some dutch people being a nuisance. its like being connected to people's subconsciousness.

 

[Ixie]

To be strictly honest, i have quelled voices of my own. I find now that i'm older and have been through alot in my still young age, i can explain a little here.

When growing up, i had a large fair share of crushing problems in which, as a young child does mess up how you grow up. Along all of this, my parents gave little support and terrible advice. i was told having friends was terrible at the age of 6, that no one is to be trusted, and that most of the things bad that happen to me are other people's faults. They tried and succeeded in convincing that everyone was out to get me. I slowly realized this was wrong, and met a girl i became extremely fond of, which was cool until she was murdered while i was pinned down and forced to watch. That's when i began to snap to a point of mental seclusion. A week or so before this happened, my mother had also sat me down and told me i was never supposed to be born, i was roughly twelve at the time, and if you know anything about twelve year old children, it's nearly impossible to take *You have no friends, we've made you a paranoid person who thinks nobody cares about them, oh and you were never supposed to be born* in any kind of positive manner.

I've had Many many negative things happen after this incident, and only a few positive. It took me almost another ten years to learn how to trust other people, which was pure luck. I've run away from my home multiple times, months at a time, to get away from the extreme verbal abuse and such. With nowhere to turn i've been forced to come back every time, keeping the mentality that *as long as i'm home my brother won't be harassed as they'll focus on me* Thankfully my brother has finally reached an age where he can see through them, something i didn't have growing up so looking for a job is my main priority.

The things you hear are along the same visual-vocal lines mine where, in which either you, or those in your head are 'above natural'. Which is normal, all of your voices (and mine) are recognizable by the fact of the voice being related or similar to someone that mattered to you somehow. which is also normal. I've also had a friend who to this day hasn't grown up mentally enough to think outside of the box so to say.

I've also known a similarity in everyone who's had these cases in which those it happens to. They've either a : have had no to little friends growing up - felt abandoned, and spent most of their life doing things pretty much on their own while observing others (like myself). and b: they've had o to little friends growing up, and spend a lot of their time speaking to friends they've met online that make them feel more secure (and since these friend's are having their voices either projected from your computer or directly into your ears, hearing voices can bring a sense of calm especially through very tough times and uncomfortable times as it brings reassurance. Another common factor i've been able to notice is a large imagination of the individuals, usually from watching a lot of fiction (cartoons, anime, story/adventure books etc.) another thing i've noticed is there is usually either a lot of thought being done (thinking about things constantly) and/or thinking about many things at a very quick rate.

In finishing i would like to clarify when i say things such as *When i was younger // now that i'm older* does not mean that i still don't have voices in my head. but i've come to my own understanding with what is going on and i'm simply trying to shed some light on the subject from my own experiences, and state that you're not the only one who's been through this and if you need anyone to talk to about it, i'll try to be here for you as well as others. Don't think i'm pushing you into a *you're crazy and you need to realize that's all a farce in your head* type thought, everyone's realizations of their problems or unique traits are all different. and in order for you to develop yourself, it's something in the end i think you will need to resolve in your own way and on your own. This doesn't change the fact that talking through things you feel you cannot handle yourself (even if you just was to release some stress) can be very helpful, which you have done by starting this thread.

I hope i have service some form of help even if small, and i 100000% did not intend to create any harm..

 

[Veryl]

To be strictly honest, i have quelled voices of my own. I find now that i'm older and have been through alot in my still young age, i can explain a little here.

When growing up, i had a large fair share of crushing problems in which, as a young child does mess up how you grow up. Along all of this, my parents gave little support and terrible advice. i was told having friends was terrible at the age of 6, that no one is to be trusted, and that most of the things bad that happen to me are other people's faults. They tried and succeeded in convincing that everyone was out to get me. I slowly realized this was wrong, and met a girl i became extremely fond of, which was cool until she was murdered while i was pinned down and forced to watch. That's when i began to snap to a point of mental seclusion. A week or so before this happened, my mother had also sat me down and told me i was never supposed to be born, i was roughly twelve at the time, and if you know anything about twelve year old children, it's nearly impossible to take *You have no friends, we've made you a paranoid person who thinks nobody cares about them, oh and you were never supposed to be born* in any kind of positive manner.

I've had Many many negative things happen after this incident, and only a few positive. It took me almost another ten years to learn how to trust other people, which was pure luck. I've run away from my home multiple times, months at a time, to get away from the extreme verbal abuse and such. With nowhere to turn i've been forced to come back every time, keeping the mentality that *as long as i'm home my brother won't be harassed as they'll focus on me* Thankfully my brother has finally reached an age where he can see through them, something i didn't have growing up so looking for a job is my main priority.

The things you hear are along the same visual-vocal lines mine where, in which either you, or those in your head are 'above natural'. Which is normal, all of your voices (and mine) are recognizable by the fact of the voice being related or similar to someone that mattered to you somehow. which is also normal. I've also had a friend who to this day hasn't grown up mentally enough to think outside of the box so to say.

I've also known a similarity in everyone who's had these cases in which those it happens to. They've either a : have had no to little friends growing up - felt abandoned, and spent most of their life doing things pretty much on their own while observing others (like myself). and b: they've had o to little friends growing up, and spend a lot of their time speaking to friends they've met online that make them feel more secure (and since these friend's are having their voices either projected from your computer or directly into your ears, hearing voices can bring a sense of calm especially through very tough times and uncomfortable times as it brings reassurance. Another common factor i've been able to notice is a large imagination of the individuals, usually from watching a lot of fiction (cartoons, anime, story/adventure books etc.) another thing i've noticed is there is usually either a lot of thought being done (thinking about things constantly) and/or thinking about many things at a very quick rate.

In finishing i would like to clarify when i say things such as *When i was younger // now that i'm older* does not mean that i still don't have voices in my head. but i've come to my own understanding with what is going on and i'm simply trying to shed some light on the subject from my own experiences, and state that you're not the only one who's been through this and if you need anyone to talk to about it, i'll try to be here for you as well as others. Don't think i'm pushing you into a *you're crazy and you need to realize that's all a farce in your head* type thought, everyone's realizations of their problems or unique traits are all different. and in order for you to develop yourself, it's something in the end i think you will need to resolve in your own way and on your own. This doesn't change the fact that talking through things you feel you cannot handle yourself (even if you just was to release some stress) can be very helpful, which you have done by starting this thread.

I hope i have service some form of help even if small, and i 100000% did not intend to create any harm..

two procent of the world's population can hear voices, only one of them wants treatment for them. For a long time I thought I could deal with this new kind of living where voices judge ur every move, but it can get kinda nnoying one a point. Im still semminarring. I write exactly what I see infront of my screen (between my eyes and the computer screen) As if my mind isnt totaly in sync with me but tries to express its every move by translating everything before I say or type stuff. people someones have to wait for answer because I cant read all the semminar that fast. and with myumi's/stephani's messages interfering I mostly dont know what to say. Are these persones in my head my own creation? partly dream, partly desire, mixed into another concious? I dont really want to get rid of them. I just want it to be real. what is real and what isnt?
Its science VS religion VS the whole universe. and Im stuck as mere humble being. maybe myumi and stephani are part if my afterlife. that my body isnt patient enough for all the happyness heaven seems to have.
But on the other case Myumi does exist, in real life as a girl who I care for very deeply. *sigh* im going out of nowhere to points nowehre's ever been. sorry for the confusing.
Its nice to rant this of my chest.

 

[Slyhand]

I can only imagine the annoyance of voices constantly pounding at you to say and do things you wouldn't necessarily do on your own accord. I can't directly relate with your happenings though, (and I'm sure Sane would agree with me on this one) as someone with ADHD I constantly have several thoughts going through my mind at once, which will sometimes stray into the realm of 'why the actual fuck am I thinking about this' in which I actually have stop myself and focus on what's actually going on. It does get annoying but I don't believe it comes close to the annoyance that your described.

By the time I was done reading that WoT all I could think about is:

Spoiler

Not my intention to berate your happenings with this, so if you find this offensive, I apologize.

 

[Veryl]

I can only imagine the annoyance of voices constantly pounding at you to say and do things you wouldn't necessarily do on your own accord. I can't directly relate with your happenings though, (and I'm sure Sane would agree with me on this one) as someone with ADHD I constantly have several thoughts going through my mind at once, which will sometimes stray into the realm of 'why the actual fuck am I thinking about this' in which I actually have stop myself and focus on what's actually going on. It does get annoying but I don't believe it comes close to the annoyance that your described.
[/spoiler]

pic doesnt show up. but I relate to having a flow of mutltiple thoughts branching out and all of the sudden its like "where the fck am I?"

 

[Slyhand]

pic doesnt show up. but I relate to having a flow of mutltiple thoughts branching out and all of the sudden its like "where the fck am I?"

Fixed, not sure why it randomly broke.

 

[SKNeoDio]

Apart from what I told you on Skype, I can only say that we all have our demons, I have my own 'dark passenger' as well (Dexter reference), which I used to call my darkside.

And if this had happened this year, we would have probably crossed paths with you, since whenever I go to the Supreme Court I always enter Lisbon through Santa Apolónia...

And don't worry, personal or not, no one will mock you here, those days are fortunately gone in DR.

 

[Veryl]

Your voices or whatever you call them were created by your mind in an effort to find company.
You were lonely in your childhood and your brain evolved a psychosis called schizophrenia or multiple personality disorder.
That created those voices or that chat infront of your eyes.
They won't come pick you up, they won't come and save you from the outer world.
You're only you. It may be hard to believe that, but that's how it is.
That's my piece of analysis.

I know this, as strange as it seems already. and the closer I get to acceptance, the more violent the images become.
I wasnt lonely in my childhood though, I've always had many close friend was an easygoing person.
shit broke down around my 17th and I started injecting myself with mariuhana and stuff.
But despite history or whatever has happend. This psychosis occured on my path of life.
its hard to deal with it. I can't really surpress it and Im also longing for it. it keeps me demotivated to do things like school or work. so I guess I should get rid of it and reestablish my life.
surround myself with people I like, have alot of activities like lotsa bands and maybe even a family. but all those dreams seem so much further away then what my psychosis promises me.
Ill give it one more year. according to the prophecy of my psychosis I should be dead by then. but its probably 2012 all over again.

Im living two kind of lifes right now, one where im still craving for Myumi and Stephani to pick me up from this hell. and living, making preperations for school, and get into shape by going to the gym occasionally (I friggin hate it there.)


edit: found this, might aswell put it here.

 

[Guardian Angel]

Spoiler

Im going to tell you this because irl Im pretty much an einzelganger, and DR is like familiy to me.
I've been trhough alot these past years and well Ill just get to the point.

What is normal? Nothing really is. but this is my concious , typing with my hands in this world that we share.
this universe full of mystery keeps being deadweight at my feet, so its hard to walk on.
at all point in our lifes we are learnt to embrace new things and let go of the old. but thats pretty hard for me in my case.

It all started when i heard voices around my 17th. I heard my mother screaming sensless things and my sister usually cried. we hadnt the most ideal home and there were some arguments.
but despitate all that I was sitting in my room behind ym computer trying supress the shouting angry voices. this went on for years untill my mom didnt take it anymore and wanted me to move out.
I had no idea where to or how t take care of myself so I was 17 suddenly living on the streets and nowhere to turn. I neglected all my real life friends since my best budies were from the internet.
but now I had only a crappy laptop without internet. The voices evolved to giving me some kind of commercialism. judging voices calling me "faka G, Double G, Fakamayacalender, the elephant king, The bananaking, fakaman, Kuroneko (my most proud one), and eventually god. I thought all of this happened for a reason. I mean if you experience something like this you always search for reason behind it and after I searched my mind two new voices grew. One from a crush I love for a few long years now, and a voice of her female friend. now the story is that Myumi was an adorable kitty like cutycat who always teases everyone and Stephani was more of a hiphop airheaded lesbian. My ideal world was to live alongside them forerer but I didnt know how. when I finaly found an appartment It was one big hell. I couldn't take proper care for myself and smoked alot of weed. and ate junkfood, had to steal from people's fridge with the excuse; Joey from friends did it too. I couldnt do anything anymore. I was scared of the outside world because I was living above a crowded street with thin windows, and I heard all the noise from people talking on the streets. I interpreted that als commercialism for me. but why did it all revolve about me?

When I couldnt pay my rent anymore my landlord kicked me out and it was then I was going to start my journey to porgual. To atleast find myumi, because I know she existed, and wasn't so sure if Stephani was just some of my imagination. On my way there I was scared like hell. scared that I was doing the wrong thing or glitched out of sociaty, But THere was always myumi and stephani to calm me down. then arround Belgium a new voice emerged from my stomach. it was my perfected me, waited an eternaluization to break free from his shell and woke up in another prison, my body.
Now stephani and Myumi were very intersted in this new voice that sounded alot like mine. but I wouldnt say the things he said. funny jokes and always teasing, like myumi. it was the perfect happy threesome all in my mind.

The journey to portugal was heavy. didn't get much of the view because it was blocked by this CHatscreen I coould clearly see infront of my eyes. On that chatscreen were myumi, Me, stehapni, and the guy I hated to most. Pedro, a blond clurly haired dude who thought he was better then me. We always were in a fight over myumi and stephani, and myumi and stephani were just enjoying the fight over them. they always hoped for me to win though. And I won eventually. around spain, he suicided, jumped of abuilding or some sort. I can still remember the empty stare in his darknend eyes ready to die.
so he was gone, forver. no more pedro, freeplay for me.

I tried to neglect the voices from the netherlands, they were always annoying. called me crap. never lisntening to a word I say or mistinterpreting anything I do/say. sO whwen I finally arived in portugal I hoped they were gone but then the portugese people started talking netherlandish, because it was wityh a portugese accent. but the same cretes and things they say.
I got all kinds of philosophies why this all happend to me. a conversation between me and myumi will clear things up.

me: so im like a god?
Portugese crowd: your jesus
Child : holy maria.
me: but why me?
portugese crowd: because you are the creator
me: I havent create anything?
Stephani: Milan shutyp and hug me.
Myumi: Yuuushhhhhhhhh stahp doing trivial things and lets have fun!
Me: but how, you are so far away.
Me: why dont you pick me up, Im at Santa Apolonia transtaion. Ill meet you there,.

and Ive waited weeks and weeks on that bench in lissabon, totally overpowered with "seminar"

everything ive said or will say already has been writtenb down for me, I can see it infront of my eyes, I just have to type it or say it.
I call him Mike. that perfected self of me. He took over last year trying to play god but thanks to medication I took power of him now.
Myumi And stephani still think they talk to Mike whenever the talk to me. but it all fals in just one simple routine..

Me: Myumi, pick me up from whenever I live. just ask the dutch people where I am, the know everything.
Stephani:Im longing for you.
Me: yes I know but griefing about it doesnt help, we gotta hurry. you gotta save me. save all of us, save the universe.
Me: *tries to explain* we are just pions on a checkboard. but we got to do the moves. Find Myumi stephani! and then pick me up!

these kind of converstations repeat them over and over untill its so tiring.

I want to block myself from these thoughts, this reality. but I also embrace it as something secure, somewhere I can flee too


I know this is maybe a little to personal for a simple gaming forum.
but you guys mean alot to me
Im always open for questions if you want to hear more.

I can give some topics revolving my psychosis:

some rants (psychosis speaking):

I've always been an athiest because I juist dont want to blame my life or everything ive been trhouh on god.
I do believe gods have existed but I have murdered them all when I made this planet earth as a creator.
this is dimension 89. the last dimension ever possible. its all in the numbers. dimensions 1 to 88 were all failed omnipotenties because the gods didnt alter the magnetation of the world's mindstate.
Now Im here, inflitrated as a mere humble human being waiting for my eternalization. once Im eternal together with Myumi and Stephani. the world will be a funny place. everything would be funny and happy. I could do things like create a lighter at the tip of my thumb. Materialize objects in my hands like muffins/cookies and blunts. I would be the kind of mariuahana and I've been called that alot of times during my trip to portugal.

I know in this reality none of this is real. but sometimes its really hard for me to draw a line where it ends, or where it begins. its much like how a rope works. but that in your brain.

Black holes are faults in space. once the magnetation is syncled correctly wit the human mind they will dissapear aswell. why?
A mind is a strong weapon. creates so many thoughts and outcomes of things that can create rips in the fabric of space.
We are here for a long time, and many suns have died and grown. that cycle will always be our basis to extend life, thats human's mision.
I believe there are no alien's. this universe is our big sandbox and planet earth is just pregrnant baby and will shoot entire civilization into space one day, when life on earth is no longer possible.

planets we will find will have different kind of gravity because theres more mass due a bigger sphere, or lighter because of a small sphere. this could eventually effect our bones, skin, muscles, the way we breath. We creat our own kind of aliens this way. they were human once. just heavevly addapted to a new surrounding.

Id love to tell you guys alot more and answer questions about it.
but You all probalby thinkinG VERY WTF WOW U CRAZY NUTTER.

Ive accepted myself as a clinical person awhile ago. but that doesnt make anything less then you.

Will it come true? will my cute loveable asian girls pick me and live as a happy threesome for the rest of my eternal life? I hope so.

First of all nobody will think you're crazy, i can tell you that.
Second, Somewhere in the WoT you said you were just like us, and you're right. So you have the same chance as any other to find love. Maybe not the two girls you have in mind right now... But there is someone for you out there, definatly.
When you will see her you're mind will go Damn!, gotta get me some of dat! The mind is strange like that

I honestly didn't notice you were troubled, you're such a nice guy around the forums. And some day a girl will also see that and will love you for the way you are.
If you ever need to talk about anything, feel free to PM me or add me on skype.
That goes for anyone thought.

Spoiler

To be strictly honest, i have quelled voices of my own. I find now that i'm older and have been through alot in my still young age, i can explain a little here.

When growing up, i had a large fair share of crushing problems in which, as a young child does mess up how you grow up. Along all of this, my parents gave little support and terrible advice. i was told having friends was terrible at the age of 6, that no one is to be trusted, and that most of the things bad that happen to me are other people's faults. They tried and succeeded in convincing that everyone was out to get me.

I slowly realized this was wrong, and met a girl i became extremely fond of, which was cool until she was murdered while i was pinned down and forced to watch.

Spoiler

That's when i began to snap to a point of mental seclusion. A week or so before this happened, my mother had also sat me down and told me i was never supposed to be born, i was roughly twelve at the time, and if you know anything about twelve year old children, it's nearly impossible to take *You have no friends, we've made you a paranoid person who thinks nobody cares about them, oh and you were never supposed to be born* in any kind of positive manner.

I've had Many many negative things happen after this incident, and only a few positive. It took me almost another ten years to learn how to trust other people, which was pure luck. I've run away from my home multiple times, months at a time, to get away from the extreme verbal abuse and such. With nowhere to turn i've been forced to come back every time, keeping the mentality that *as long as i'm home my brother won't be harassed as they'll focus on me* Thankfully my brother has finally reached an age where he can see through them, something i didn't have growing up so looking for a job is my main priority.

The things you hear are along the same visual-vocal lines mine where, in which either you, or those in your head are 'above natural'. Which is normal, all of your voices (and mine) are recognizable by the fact of the voice being related or similar to someone that mattered to you somehow. which is also normal. I've also had a friend who to this day hasn't grown up mentally enough to think outside of the box so to say.

I've also known a similarity in everyone who's had these cases in which those it happens to. They've either a : have had no to little friends growing up - felt abandoned, and spent most of their life doing things pretty much on their own while observing others (like myself). and b: they've had o to little friends growing up, and spend a lot of their time speaking to friends they've met online that make them feel more secure (and since these friend's are having their voices either projected from your computer or directly into your ears, hearing voices can bring a sense of calm especially through very tough times and uncomfortable times as it brings reassurance. Another common factor i've been able to notice is a large imagination of the individuals, usually from watching a lot of fiction (cartoons, anime, story/adventure books etc.) another thing i've noticed is there is usually either a lot of thought being done (thinking about things constantly) and/or thinking about many things at a very quick rate.

In finishing i would like to clarify when i say things such as *When i was younger // now that i'm older* does not mean that i still don't have voices in my head. but i've come to my own understanding with what is going on and i'm simply trying to shed some light on the subject from my own experiences, and state that you're not the only one who's been through this and if you need anyone to talk to about it, i'll try to be here for you as well as others. Don't think i'm pushing you into a *you're crazy and you need to realize that's all a farce in your head* type thought, everyone's realizations of their problems or unique traits are all different. and in order for you to develop yourself, it's something in the end i think you will need to resolve in your own way and on your own. This doesn't change the fact that talking through things you feel you cannot handle yourself (even if you just was to release some stress) can be very helpful, which you have done by starting this thread.

I hope i have service some form of help even if small, and i 100000% did not intend to create any harm..

I heard some stories about your life at home but that... wow
I can't even describe the feelign i get when i read it...

 

[Puzzled]

And to think my life was a rollercoaster.... you guys have some really.... interesting lives.

 

[Death]

dr ppl is weird.

 

[Hit]

Be active is the best advice I can give you. Go to bed early, and wake up early. Eat healthier, exercise regularly. You don't have to go to the gym, but go for a run, do some push ups and sit ups. I always do at least 50 push ups before I shower. Try to study (if you have classes), or read about history or an action novel, not something about philosophy or that makes you introspective.

You just have to do your best to stay active and not think about your problems, in real life, or in your head. I find that over thinking one's problems can worsen them. Give upon your "demons" the greatest insult that can be suffered: to be ignored.

Spoiler

Swag.

 

[Ixie]

I heard some stories about your life at home but that... wow
I can't even describe the feelign i get when i read it...

I skipped 60% of the bad stuff, and 30% of the detail of that incident, lets just say in short, much worse than you likely think. Just trying to get a job and finally move on, i've learned that i've dwelled on what's happened far too long, and have not looked on what is to come.

 

[Veryl]

yeah maybe its time to move on. but thats harder to say that it actually is.

I hope there will be a girl(s) like Myumi or Stephani crossing my path, without them bugging my brain all the time. but I dont have high hopes and have high standards >.>
we'll see.

thanks for your open mindedness

 

[Veryl]

have u seen a professional concerning your mind stuff?
like, about the voices and such?

Im in a hospital now but I rarely talk to the professional people. I can't really bond or connect with them. they ask very general questions and dont really go indepth.
whenever I tell them a heavy story like this one, they want a blood sample or higher my dosis. Im not a fan of meds, they controlled alot of fear I was heaving and Im gratefull for that.
but this idea I have of "being saved" is something deeply rooted. I dont think a professional or medication can get that out. Im very stubborn.
funny thing is that the voices acutally are clearer when I take a meds :/

many people in this hospital have delusions or hear voices. so if I say that I hear voices I inmediatly get a stamp on my face like Im a number.
its hard to find individual help for this issue, but it's mostly myself who should grow over this.
I could work on some activities per day and set my mind on that, go to school or express my feelings in paintings.
but Im so darn demotivated to do anything because Im just waiting endlessly. >.>

 

[BanSlam]

Now this is some wall of text I'm willing to read..


---Starts reading---

I surrender too much words got confused.


So, I will assume you hear voices (based on the comments I read) in your head coz of reality's cruel nature... and that your mother kicked you out of ur OWN home...- let me ask you this, where is the rest of ur family and what were their reactions to this matter. bear in mind I didnt read the whole thing-
Sigh, Best advice is... is...... .. ... Idk. We ppl on the Internet are people who will help you anytime anywhere (there are few exceptions) but what we do in limited to what internet can provide us.. Remember this well, your own strength is what moves you in reality, all we can do is give you some buffs. Be strong you who do not know me.

 

[SKNeoDio]

Apologies but only tonight I found the time to finally write something consistent and elaborated here, and it's already past 2am..

I'll begin with medication, it is undeniably vital in the treatment of any psychological or neurological disorder, unlike most common opinions, several disorders are caused due to chemical brain insufficiencies, for example, in my case, I have a huge lack of serotonin, the neurotransmitter which regulates a human being's humor among many other things.

A very common misconception that irritates the living gods out of me, is that most people address psychological disorders with expressions like "it's all in your head", or that "you have nothing physical", in some cases, that is right, and your issues might be caused by wrong beliefs that you have acquired during your life through your cognitive process, by some traumatic experiences that you might have had, by the use of any kind of drugs, and I mean "drugs drugs", not "drugs medication drugs", or some other surrounding factors that may have influenced your way of thinking and your perspective of life itself.

For example, a person can have a depression because they lose someone in life or have a heartbreak, but someone can also have a depression due to lack of serotonin; someone can have social phobia because they were humiliated and shunned in public, or they can also have that same insufficiency of serotonin which causes social problems; someone can have obsessive compulsive rituals due to being raped, such as constantly taking baths or disinfecting themselves often, but someone can also have OCD rituals because of abnormal brain activity which, nowadays, is easily detected in brain scans killing that horrible myth that "it's all in your head", because it's not always "all in your head", it's in your whole body and it is indeed a physical problem regardless of not being 'seen'.

Concluding that the problem can be purely mental, only physical, or it can be a mixture of both.

Which leads to the point where to properly treat any kind of mental disorder, the correct diagnosis of the issue is the MOST important thing to begin with, because there is no point in treating the symptoms if the main problem persists, medication can hide the problem, like alcohol, you can 'drink to forget' but the problem will still be there haunting you every single day until you learn how to deal with it, there's no point in running from anything in life, because even a trauma that you cannot remember from when you were 4 or 5 years old, can come back to haunt you when you are, for example, 30 or 40 years old - in the psychological field, it is extremely difficult to predict what will cause what, and exactly when or how.

In your case, while treating a psychosis, medication will have a major importance in your therapy process, although only allying medication with psychoanalysis the problem can be permanently solved, IF it can be solved of course, I don't mean to discourage you, but I don't mean to give you fake expectations as well, some problems have a solution, and other problems will stay with you until the day that you die, and they can become worse with time or they can disappear over time, each case is different since everyone is different.

While the medication is treating your symptoms, like blocking the voices, giving you more stability and making you feel better, it's extremely important to know why such things happen, and why do they happen in that specific way. No mental disorder is equal, every mental disorder has its own particularities varying from individual to individual. Through the intensive and extensive study of psychological issues, some similarities will obviously appear, but since our soul/existence/individuality is unique, then the way that the human mind will deal with the issue will also be unique. And that's where psychoanalysis has its bigger importance, studying your mind, figuring out why the voices, in this case, tell you specific things instead of telling you other things, or why some things make sense to you while others don't.

It is extremely important that you talk openly to someone about what might be causing your issues, because the explanation is, in most cases, something that your subconscious is completely aware of, and that subjugates your "conscious self" without you even realizing. It can literally be anything and even some things that you never expected, problems with your parents, childhood problems, sexuality problems, drug problems, take your pick... If you are not able to establish a connection with a specialist personally, then I will highly recommend that you find another method, even if it sounds silly, you can just tell a doctor to give you his/her email and you will communicate through email, or even instant messaging - if the doctor finds that funny or ridiculous, tell him in kind words to fuck off, talk to someone in charge and find another doctor, otherwise, that doctor will understand that it's the only way in which you can communicate and he/she will provide you the necessary help through any possible means.

The fact that you typed all of this and that you are here openly talking about this with us is already very important and significant, it takes guts to openly talk about your problems and not everyone is capable of such thing, it's a great and very important step of your healing process and into completely understanding yourself.

The human mind is the most complicated "thing" or "entity" that exists in the human race, it was a big mistake going out to space before completely understanding it, but as usual, mankind's greed and lust for power won over the most important matters, one cannot understand the world before he understands himself, much less the universe.

Now, going to the root of your problem, why do you think you need to be saved? It's a shitty world we live in with a lot of heartless pricks out there, and no voices will ever change that, they might try to hide it or give you a false perception that something will happen in the future, but like you've said, you will just be waiting and waiting and waiting...and that's not a life, that's not living. You're not living your life to the fullest, and there is no justice in that, it's not fair for you, and I'm sure that your family suffers with that too for seeing you in pain, apologies if I went to far with this last statement. There is no point in waiting for something to happen, you need to slap yourself in the face and tell yourself that nothing is going to happen on itself, YOU need to make it happen, YOU need to overcome yourself, YOU need to save YOURSELF from YOURSELF because there is nothing you need to be afraid of but yourself, in most cases, we are our own worst enemy.

Your problem is obviously not just psychological, it's also physical, because your body, most specifically, your brain is causing your mind, your "conscious being", to operate/work in a specific way, and the voices can be caused by different factors or reasons, for example: they can be your own conscience's self defense mechanism trying to hide the nature of your problem or what you are really trying to avoid, I think this is called the "split-mind", caused by, like I've said paragraphs above, maybe a childhood trauma that you cannot remember but that affects you through your subconscious; they can be a side effect from drugs, weed has a high hallucinogenic effect depending on its type and 'breed'; extremely low self-esteem and lack of attention; possibly a bipolar disorder; maybe a form of schizophrenia, which is the "standard" explanation for all types of voices since it causes all kinds of paranoia...

And this is the part where I stop typing and resort to google since I have little experience regarding voices and schizophrenia itself, my knowledge in psychology is mostly regarding anxiety and mood disorders.. Apparently there are different kinds of voices and each type of voices can match a specific disorder or several disorders, the voices can be: either a group conversation; just one voice talking to you; or even your own consciousness controlling you. I have found this particular website that I will advise you to read - http://www.hearing-voices.org - the domain's name is a bit fancy but this website has a lot of extremely useful information that will help shed some light over your own issues.

 

[Veryl]

Maybe I dont want to be treated. Maybe I just want to be proud of my delusions. they comfort me although they can get repetitive and tiring.
I'll eventually have them go, but how I think that myumi and stephani will pick me up is like religion to me. a code I live by.
Im not sure if listening to a therapist would help. most of the time people tell me important stuff it goes just one ear in, and the other out. and Im trying to liste honestly.
its just that I like to dwell in my little hell and heaven. (yush I live in both)