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Thread: Analyse this.

  1. #1

    Analyse this.

    Im going to tell you this because irl Im pretty much an einzelganger, and DR is like familiy to me.
    I've been trhough alot these past years and well Ill just get to the point.

    What is normal? Nothing really is. but this is my concious , typing with my hands in this world that we share.
    this universe full of mystery keeps being deadweight at my feet, so its hard to walk on.
    at all point in our lifes we are learnt to embrace new things and let go of the old. but thats pretty hard for me in my case.

    It all started when i heard voices around my 17th. I heard my mother screaming sensless things and my sister usually cried. we hadnt the most ideal home and there were some arguments.
    but despitate all that I was sitting in my room behind ym computer trying supress the shouting angry voices. this went on for years untill my mom didnt take it anymore and wanted me to move out.
    I had no idea where to or how t take care of myself so I was 17 suddenly living on the streets and nowhere to turn. I neglected all my real life friends since my best budies were from the internet.
    but now I had only a crappy laptop without internet. The voices evolved to giving me some kind of commercialism. judging voices calling me "faka G, Double G, Fakamayacalender, the elephant king, The bananaking, fakaman, Kuroneko (my most proud one), and eventually god. I thought all of this happened for a reason. I mean if you experience something like this you always search for reason behind it and after I searched my mind two new voices grew. One from a crush I love for a few long years now, and a voice of her female friend. now the story is that Myumi was an adorable kitty like cutycat who always teases everyone and Stephani was more of a hiphop airheaded lesbian. My ideal world was to live alongside them forerer but I didnt know how. when I finaly found an appartment It was one big hell. I couldn't take proper care for myself and smoked alot of weed. and ate junkfood, had to steal from people's fridge with the excuse; Joey from friends did it too. I couldnt do anything anymore. I was scared of the outside world because I was living above a crowded street with thin windows, and I heard all the noise from people talking on the streets. I interpreted that als commercialism for me. but why did it all revolve about me?

    When I couldnt pay my rent anymore my landlord kicked me out and it was then I was going to start my journey to porgual. To atleast find myumi, because I know she existed, and wasn't so sure if Stephani was just some of my imagination. On my way there I was scared like hell. scared that I was doing the wrong thing or glitched out of sociaty, But THere was always myumi and stephani to calm me down. then arround Belgium a new voice emerged from my stomach. it was my perfected me, waited an eternaluization to break free from his shell and woke up in another prison, my body.
    Now stephani and Myumi were very intersted in this new voice that sounded alot like mine. but I wouldnt say the things he said. funny jokes and always teasing, like myumi. it was the perfect happy threesome all in my mind.

    The journey to portugal was heavy. didn't get much of the view because it was blocked by this CHatscreen I coould clearly see infront of my eyes. On that chatscreen were myumi, Me, stehapni, and the guy I hated to most. Pedro, a blond clurly haired dude who thought he was better then me. We always were in a fight over myumi and stephani, and myumi and stephani were just enjoying the fight over them. they always hoped for me to win though. And I won eventually. around spain, he suicided, jumped of abuilding or some sort. I can still remember the empty stare in his darknend eyes ready to die.
    so he was gone, forver. no more pedro, freeplay for me.

    I tried to neglect the voices from the netherlands, they were always annoying. called me crap. never lisntening to a word I say or mistinterpreting anything I do/say. sO whwen I finally arived in portugal I hoped they were gone but then the portugese people started talking netherlandish, because it was wityh a portugese accent. but the same cretes and things they say.
    I got all kinds of philosophies why this all happend to me. a conversation between me and myumi will clear things up.

    me: so im like a god?
    Portugese crowd: your jesus
    Child : holy maria.
    me: but why me?
    portugese crowd: because you are the creator
    me: I havent create anything?
    Stephani: Milan shutyp and hug me.
    Myumi: Yuuushhhhhhhhh stahp doing trivial things and lets have fun!
    Me: but how, you are so far away.
    Me: why dont you pick me up, Im at Santa Apolonia transtaion. Ill meet you there,.

    and Ive waited weeks and weeks on that bench in lissabon, totally overpowered with "seminar"

    everything ive said or will say already has been writtenb down for me, I can see it infront of my eyes, I just have to type it or say it.
    I call him Mike. that perfected self of me. He took over last year trying to play god but thanks to medication I took power of him now.
    Myumi And stephani still think they talk to Mike whenever the talk to me. but it all fals in just one simple routine..

    Me: Myumi, pick me up from whenever I live. just ask the dutch people where I am, the know everything.
    Stephani:Im longing for you.
    Me: yes I know but griefing about it doesnt help, we gotta hurry. you gotta save me. save all of us, save the universe.
    Me: *tries to explain* we are just pions on a checkboard. but we got to do the moves. Find Myumi stephani! and then pick me up!

    these kind of converstations repeat them over and over untill its so tiring.

    I want to block myself from these thoughts, this reality. but I also embrace it as something secure, somewhere I can flee too


    I know this is maybe a little to personal for a simple gaming forum.
    but you guys mean alot to me
    Im always open for questions if you want to hear more.

    I can give some topics revolving my psychosis:

    some rants (psychosis speaking):

    I've always been an athiest because I juist dont want to blame my life or everything ive been trhouh on god.
    I do believe gods have existed but I have murdered them all when I made this planet earth as a creator.
    this is dimension 89. the last dimension ever possible. its all in the numbers. dimensions 1 to 88 were all failed omnipotenties because the gods didnt alter the magnetation of the world's mindstate.
    Now Im here, inflitrated as a mere humble human being waiting for my eternalization. once Im eternal together with Myumi and Stephani. the world will be a funny place. everything would be funny and happy. I could do things like create a lighter at the tip of my thumb. Materialize objects in my hands like muffins/cookies and blunts. I would be the kind of mariuahana and I've been called that alot of times during my trip to portugal.

    I know in this reality none of this is real. but sometimes its really hard for me to draw a line where it ends, or where it begins. its much like how a rope works. but that in your brain.

    Black holes are faults in space. once the magnetation is syncled correctly wit the human mind they will dissapear aswell. why?
    A mind is a strong weapon. creates so many thoughts and outcomes of things that can create rips in the fabric of space.
    We are here for a long time, and many suns have died and grown. that cycle will always be our basis to extend life, thats human's mision.
    I believe there are no alien's. this universe is our big sandbox and planet earth is just pregrnant baby and will shoot entire civilization into space one day, when life on earth is no longer possible.

    planets we will find will have different kind of gravity because theres more mass due a bigger sphere, or lighter because of a small sphere. this could eventually effect our bones, skin, muscles, the way we breath. We creat our own kind of aliens this way. they were human once. just heavevly addapted to a new surrounding.

    Id love to tell you guys alot more and answer questions about it.
    but You all probalby thinkinG VERY WTF WOW U CRAZY NUTTER.

    Ive accepted myself as a clinical person awhile ago. but that doesnt make anything less then you.

    Will it come true? will my cute loveable asian girls pick me and live as a happy threesome for the rest of my eternal life? I hope so.

    Last edited by Veryl; 26-10-2013 at 09:20 PM.
    evil neko since '91

  2. #2
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    That's quite the story there... Didn't expect that from you. :S

    Do you still hear those voices and such?

    Wallrunning like a Padawan~
    I'm a Bird. CaW~

  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by ¥oshi View Post
    That's quite the story there... Didn't expect that from you. :S

    Do you still hear those voices and such?
    mostly occasionally from Stehapni and Myumi. hope they will pick me up someday.
    and still some dutch people being a nuisance. its like being connected to people's subconsciousness.
    evil neko since '91

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
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    Nova Scotia, Canada
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    To be strictly honest, i have quelled voices of my own. I find now that i'm older and have been through alot in my still young age, i can explain a little here.

    When growing up, i had a large fair share of crushing problems in which, as a young child does mess up how you grow up. Along all of this, my parents gave little support and terrible advice. i was told having friends was terrible at the age of 6, that no one is to be trusted, and that most of the things bad that happen to me are other people's faults. They tried and succeeded in convincing that everyone was out to get me. I slowly realized this was wrong, and met a girl i became extremely fond of, which was cool until she was murdered while i was pinned down and forced to watch. That's when i began to snap to a point of mental seclusion. A week or so before this happened, my mother had also sat me down and told me i was never supposed to be born, i was roughly twelve at the time, and if you know anything about twelve year old children, it's nearly impossible to take *You have no friends, we've made you a paranoid person who thinks nobody cares about them, oh and you were never supposed to be born* in any kind of positive manner.

    I've had Many many negative things happen after this incident, and only a few positive. It took me almost another ten years to learn how to trust other people, which was pure luck. I've run away from my home multiple times, months at a time, to get away from the extreme verbal abuse and such. With nowhere to turn i've been forced to come back every time, keeping the mentality that *as long as i'm home my brother won't be harassed as they'll focus on me* Thankfully my brother has finally reached an age where he can see through them, something i didn't have growing up so looking for a job is my main priority.

    The things you hear are along the same visual-vocal lines mine where, in which either you, or those in your head are 'above natural'. Which is normal, all of your voices (and mine) are recognizable by the fact of the voice being related or similar to someone that mattered to you somehow. which is also normal. I've also had a friend who to this day hasn't grown up mentally enough to think outside of the box so to say.

    I've also known a similarity in everyone who's had these cases in which those it happens to. They've either a : have had no to little friends growing up - felt abandoned, and spent most of their life doing things pretty much on their own while observing others (like myself). and b: they've had o to little friends growing up, and spend a lot of their time speaking to friends they've met online that make them feel more secure (and since these friend's are having their voices either projected from your computer or directly into your ears, hearing voices can bring a sense of calm especially through very tough times and uncomfortable times as it brings reassurance. Another common factor i've been able to notice is a large imagination of the individuals, usually from watching a lot of fiction (cartoons, anime, story/adventure books etc.) another thing i've noticed is there is usually either a lot of thought being done (thinking about things constantly) and/or thinking about many things at a very quick rate.

    In finishing i would like to clarify when i say things such as *When i was younger // now that i'm older* does not mean that i still don't have voices in my head. but i've come to my own understanding with what is going on and i'm simply trying to shed some light on the subject from my own experiences, and state that you're not the only one who's been through this and if you need anyone to talk to about it, i'll try to be here for you as well as others. Don't think i'm pushing you into a *you're crazy and you need to realize that's all a farce in your head* type thought, everyone's realizations of their problems or unique traits are all different. and in order for you to develop yourself, it's something in the end i think you will need to resolve in your own way and on your own. This doesn't change the fact that talking through things you feel you cannot handle yourself (even if you just was to release some stress) can be very helpful, which you have done by starting this thread.

    I hope i have service some form of help even if small, and i 100000% did not intend to create any harm..
    Do you fear me too?

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Flandre Komeiji View Post
    To be strictly honest, i have quelled voices of my own. I find now that i'm older and have been through alot in my still young age, i can explain a little here.

    When growing up, i had a large fair share of crushing problems in which, as a young child does mess up how you grow up. Along all of this, my parents gave little support and terrible advice. i was told having friends was terrible at the age of 6, that no one is to be trusted, and that most of the things bad that happen to me are other people's faults. They tried and succeeded in convincing that everyone was out to get me. I slowly realized this was wrong, and met a girl i became extremely fond of, which was cool until she was murdered while i was pinned down and forced to watch. That's when i began to snap to a point of mental seclusion. A week or so before this happened, my mother had also sat me down and told me i was never supposed to be born, i was roughly twelve at the time, and if you know anything about twelve year old children, it's nearly impossible to take *You have no friends, we've made you a paranoid person who thinks nobody cares about them, oh and you were never supposed to be born* in any kind of positive manner.

    I've had Many many negative things happen after this incident, and only a few positive. It took me almost another ten years to learn how to trust other people, which was pure luck. I've run away from my home multiple times, months at a time, to get away from the extreme verbal abuse and such. With nowhere to turn i've been forced to come back every time, keeping the mentality that *as long as i'm home my brother won't be harassed as they'll focus on me* Thankfully my brother has finally reached an age where he can see through them, something i didn't have growing up so looking for a job is my main priority.

    The things you hear are along the same visual-vocal lines mine where, in which either you, or those in your head are 'above natural'. Which is normal, all of your voices (and mine) are recognizable by the fact of the voice being related or similar to someone that mattered to you somehow. which is also normal. I've also had a friend who to this day hasn't grown up mentally enough to think outside of the box so to say.

    I've also known a similarity in everyone who's had these cases in which those it happens to. They've either a : have had no to little friends growing up - felt abandoned, and spent most of their life doing things pretty much on their own while observing others (like myself). and b: they've had o to little friends growing up, and spend a lot of their time speaking to friends they've met online that make them feel more secure (and since these friend's are having their voices either projected from your computer or directly into your ears, hearing voices can bring a sense of calm especially through very tough times and uncomfortable times as it brings reassurance. Another common factor i've been able to notice is a large imagination of the individuals, usually from watching a lot of fiction (cartoons, anime, story/adventure books etc.) another thing i've noticed is there is usually either a lot of thought being done (thinking about things constantly) and/or thinking about many things at a very quick rate.

    In finishing i would like to clarify when i say things such as *When i was younger // now that i'm older* does not mean that i still don't have voices in my head. but i've come to my own understanding with what is going on and i'm simply trying to shed some light on the subject from my own experiences, and state that you're not the only one who's been through this and if you need anyone to talk to about it, i'll try to be here for you as well as others. Don't think i'm pushing you into a *you're crazy and you need to realize that's all a farce in your head* type thought, everyone's realizations of their problems or unique traits are all different. and in order for you to develop yourself, it's something in the end i think you will need to resolve in your own way and on your own. This doesn't change the fact that talking through things you feel you cannot handle yourself (even if you just was to release some stress) can be very helpful, which you have done by starting this thread.

    I hope i have service some form of help even if small, and i 100000% did not intend to create any harm..


    two procent of the world's population can hear voices, only one of them wants treatment for them. For a long time I thought I could deal with this new kind of living where voices judge ur every move, but it can get kinda nnoying one a point. Im still semminarring. I write exactly what I see infront of my screen (between my eyes and the computer screen) As if my mind isnt totaly in sync with me but tries to express its every move by translating everything before I say or type stuff. people someones have to wait for answer because I cant read all the semminar that fast. and with myumi's/stephani's messages interfering I mostly dont know what to say. Are these persones in my head my own creation? partly dream, partly desire, mixed into another concious? I dont really want to get rid of them. I just want it to be real. what is real and what isnt?
    Its science VS religion VS the whole universe. and Im stuck as mere humble being. maybe myumi and stephani are part if my afterlife. that my body isnt patient enough for all the happyness heaven seems to have.
    But on the other case Myumi does exist, in real life as a girl who I care for very deeply. *sigh* im going out of nowhere to points nowehre's ever been. sorry for the confusing.
    Its nice to rant this of my chest.
    evil neko since '91

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    461
    I can only imagine the annoyance of voices constantly pounding at you to say and do things you wouldn't necessarily do on your own accord. I can't directly relate with your happenings though, (and I'm sure Sane would agree with me on this one) as someone with ADHD I constantly have several thoughts going through my mind at once, which will sometimes stray into the realm of 'why the actual fuck am I thinking about this' in which I actually have stop myself and focus on what's actually going on. It does get annoying but I don't believe it comes close to the annoyance that your described.

    By the time I was done reading that WoT all I could think about is:
     


    Not my intention to berate your happenings with this, so if you find this offensive, I apologize.
    Last edited by Slyhand; 27-10-2013 at 12:34 AM.

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Slyhand View Post
    I can only imagine the annoyance of voices constantly pounding at you to say and do things you wouldn't necessarily do on your own accord. I can't directly relate with your happenings though, (and I'm sure Sane would agree with me on this one) as someone with ADHD I constantly have several thoughts going through my mind at once, which will sometimes stray into the realm of 'why the actual fuck am I thinking about this' in which I actually have stop myself and focus on what's actually going on. It does get annoying but I don't believe it comes close to the annoyance that your described.
    [/spoiler]
    pic doesnt show up. but I relate to having a flow of mutltiple thoughts branching out and all of the sudden its like "where the fck am I?"
    evil neko since '91

  8. #8
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    Aug 2012
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    Quote Originally Posted by Veryl View Post
    pic doesnt show up. but I relate to having a flow of mutltiple thoughts branching out and all of the sudden its like "where the fck am I?"
    Fixed, not sure why it randomly broke.

  9. #9
    Join Date
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    Apart from what I told you on Skype, I can only say that we all have our demons, I have my own 'dark passenger' as well (Dexter reference), which I used to call my darkside.

    And if this had happened this year, we would have probably crossed paths with you, since whenever I go to the Supreme Court I always enter Lisbon through Santa Apolónia...

    And don't worry, personal or not, no one will mock you here, those days are fortunately gone in DR.
    "Making mistakes is human, but the ability to acknowledge them, the humility and maturity to apologize and try to correct them is GODLY"


    Because we have cookies!

    Quotes & Stuff
     



    Because I'm ninja!


    Because Senya rocks!

    The ultimate "small time" criminal...


    Vote for me, USA 2016


    Some of my favorite quotes:

    "When a man is denied the right to live the life he believes in, he has no choice but to become an outlaw" - Nelson Mandela

    "There is no fate but what we make" - John Connor (Christian Bale)

    "Embrace your dreams and protect your honor" Zack Fair (FF7)

    "I don't step aside, I step up" - Vic Mackey (Michael Chiklis)

    "Falling is the last thing an angel feels" - Gabriel (Andy Whitfield RIP)

    "Revenge is a meal best served cold" - John W. Creasy (Denzel Washington)

    "I don't believe in God but I believe in Angels" - Max Payne (Mark Wahlberg)

    "Accept your fate of be destroyed by it" - Batiatus

    "Accept your fate or be destroyed by specters of a past never to return" - Spartacus

    "Certainly there is no hunting like the hunting of man and those who have hunted armed men long enough and liked it, never really care for anything else thereafter" - Ernest Hemingway

    "It is easier to find men willing to die, than men who endure pain with patience" - Gaius Julius Caesar

    "Forgiveness is between them and God, it's my job to arrange the meeting" - John W. Creasy (Denzel Washington)

    "I live to see a day where (...) cruelty is but a distant memory" - Spartacus.

    "A man is never too weak or too wounded to fight. If his cause is greater than his own life." - Oenomaus.

    "Revenge is a meal best served cold" - John W. Creasy.

    "The price of freedom is sacrifice" - Zack Fair.

    "Track them, find them, kill them" - Barney Ross.

    "There is no justice, not in this world" - Spartacus.

    I'm sorry Crixus, I just couldn't help myself.




  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Vatharna View Post
    Your voices or whatever you call them were created by your mind in an effort to find company.
    You were lonely in your childhood and your brain evolved a psychosis called schizophrenia or multiple personality disorder.
    That created those voices or that chat infront of your eyes.
    They won't come pick you up, they won't come and save you from the outer world.
    You're only you. It may be hard to believe that, but that's how it is.
    That's my piece of analysis.

    I know this, as strange as it seems already. and the closer I get to acceptance, the more violent the images become.
    I wasnt lonely in my childhood though, I've always had many close friend was an easygoing person.
    shit broke down around my 17th and I started injecting myself with mariuhana and stuff.
    But despite history or whatever has happend. This psychosis occured on my path of life.
    its hard to deal with it. I can't really surpress it and Im also longing for it. it keeps me demotivated to do things like school or work. so I guess I should get rid of it and reestablish my life.
    surround myself with people I like, have alot of activities like lotsa bands and maybe even a family. but all those dreams seem so much further away then what my psychosis promises me.
    Ill give it one more year. according to the prophecy of my psychosis I should be dead by then. but its probably 2012 all over again.

    Im living two kind of lifes right now, one where im still craving for Myumi and Stephani to pick me up from this hell. and living, making preperations for school, and get into shape by going to the gym occasionally (I friggin hate it there.)


    edit: found this, might aswell put it here.
    Last edited by Veryl; 27-10-2013 at 03:09 AM.
    evil neko since '91

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